On Tuesday I began seeing a personal trainer who babysits me for an hour a day at the gym. He makes sure I a) go and b) do things while I'm there.
So when I get home from the gym, I eat everything. Bag of Galaxy counters? I'll have those. 200g bar of Cadbury's? That too. Tub of Cookie Core ice cream? Gone. "Gosh that's terrible, what a waste, you must be ridden with guilt?" I hear you say. No, it's fine, I'm ok with this. My gym session was not a waste of time. Here's why:
Willpower is finite. We can run out of it by the end of the day, and what drains it is resisting things you want to do, and forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do.
I'm saving all my willpower for actually getting to the gym every day these next 2-3 weeks until it becomes habit. Until I no longer have to wrestle with my brain to make it go where it doesn't want to, that awful place where physical work happens. In 2-3 weeks, getting up and going to the gym will be done on auto-pilot, skipping the chance to think about what's going to happen there. No wrestling needed.
All I have to do is spend every day these 2-3 weeks focusing really hard on the rewards. The energised feeling I have after a workout, the fact time goes so fast while I have a trainer as he talks to me. The fact I'm going to live longer, feel stronger, have energy, get sick less, run faster, climb higher, dance longer and survive the physical havoc a desk job wreaks on our bodies.
Once that habit takes hold, that's when I'll shift my willpower to focus on my diet and start resisting the urge to eat everything my heart and liver needs me to cut drastically down on. One thing at a time, with patience, self-compassion and kindness as I am a person who cannot do everything all at once but with a few kind words and some space, will do it all in good time.